i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
