the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
