so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
