Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
