i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
