Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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