eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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