Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
