She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
