You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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