Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
