Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
