you mean i was at the winter classic?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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