Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
