It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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