his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
