Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
