I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
