My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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