kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
