for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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