So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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