dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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