you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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