I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
