Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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