Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
