Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Every concussion has its silver lining
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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