Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
