At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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