they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
