Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
