All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize