she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
