Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
