you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
