She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
