The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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