I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
