she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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