you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
