just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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