I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
organizing the empties. That sober.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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