My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
