I am midnight drunk by noon
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
