i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
