im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
