i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I think I am morally bankrupt
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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