yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
