omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
