you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
