so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
