I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
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