My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize