so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
