I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
