sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
