Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she smelled like a LAN party
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize