I want you more than these girls want KFC
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
