I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
