The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
