Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
