she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
