I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
