I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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