weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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