Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize