I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
