Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
