Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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