do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
