I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
