Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
