You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
