I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
