i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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