I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
