I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize