as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
