i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
