worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
