She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
