I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
