I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Do vagina's smell?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
