I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
