I met the friendliest cop last night
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
