i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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