all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
