..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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