I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
