I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
