That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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