Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
