Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
