i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
