I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize