im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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