I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
