i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
