Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize